How Saddam Hussein almost killed me too!

Its Sunday afternoon. I’ve had too much coffee. I’m getting hungry. The news is on. I have a moustache. Now that I’ve set the scene for you, I can switch to past tense.

So I went upstairs to get some cereal. So I’m still really big on cereal. Sue me for my Peter Pan complex. Anyways. The only box with a full bowls’ worth of cereal was the Lucky Charms (thats my story and I’m sticking to it). So I poured my self a bowl and went back downstairs.

“Saddam Huissen was found guilty on all charges.”

No suprise there. I happily continue munching stale marshmellowy cereal.

“He was sentenced to hanging by the neck untill dead.”

“You’re kidding!” I thought. They still do that? The reporter starts to highlight some of the things Saddam did that lead up to the reason he was sentenced today and I started to feel kind of depressed. Now the one great thing about Canadian news broadcasts is the comic relief when they cut back to the reporter wrapping up the story. Especially when you’re looking at a shot of mutilated corpses then snap over to an exceedingly cheerful and goofy looking guy in a brown trenchcoat. So I giggled a little at that. Not laughing really hard yet. But then they started airing reactions to the verdict and this whole group of people complaining that it was an unfair trail started to talk….

I started to laugh really hard for about a minute. You know those laughs where the hucking part doesn’t seem to end and it just gets weaker and weaker as you run out of breathe?
Yeah that laugh. But you know how you have to suck in really hard after? Well I mentioned earlier my having a moustache… and I never really had one before. And I guess its really long and thick… and I guess there was a marshmellow stuck in there and… well..

So there I was choking… from one eye I could see Saddam bitching out the judge in their native language and with the other I could see that little fucking leprechaun. With his weird gay little smile and his whole chasing the rainbow motif. And all I’m thinking is.. I’m gonna’ die in front of a bowl of lucky charms. Why couldn’t I have had shreddies or mini-wheats or something. Then it hit me that most animated cereal mascots were pretty affeminate.

“Count Chocula.” I thought.

“That woulda’ been a cool way to go.”

To be continued…

ARE YOU IN SUSPENSE OR WHAT?
Well you shouldn’t be… you can clearly see that I lived to write this post.